All I Want for Christmas is Some Peace and Sanity

Dear Santa,
My life is a mess. My office looks like Mother Nature had a raging party and Tornado Tequila passed out in the corner while Hurricane Harry did the tango on my desktop. My bathroom vanity looks the back room of a dive salon. My kitchen is awash in junk mail, bills and piles of magazines that I desperately want to read. I need your help Santa. This Christmas, all I want is to close my eyes and open them up to find a clean house, an organized office and life less insane. I hear what you’re saying Santa. I need to pull up my bootstraps, don my pink rubber gloves and dig myself out of this mess all by my big-girl self. Oh Santa, how right you are. Alright, alright, here’s my list of things I’ll do to STOP FREAKING out but maybe you could work in just one tiny favor — after all, I have been a very good girl this year — Can you just watch out for Britany’s kids for me? I’m starting to worry.

Waste not want less: Do you know that Jennifer Aniston brushes her teeth in the shower to save water? I can do that. I’m toting around a copy of The Green Book, where you too can learn more about Aniston’s showering habits as well as small changes you can make every day to give the environment a break. Not to self: Clean bathroom. I’m pretty sure it’s toxic.

Get skinny, bitch: Or at least healthier. I recently had an epiphany about food as I was plowing through a second helping of Thanksgiving dinner. It’s gross. And I mean absolutely no offense to the hosts’ cooking. But where did that turkey call home and what was he (she, it?) fed during his short life? I have no idea. And that’s just scary. Two reads I’ve added to my cookbook collection are Skinny Bitch, a sassy straight-forward guide to cooking vegan, and Mediterranean Women Stay Slim, Too, a book by chef Melissa Kelly. Kelly, executive chef at Primo at the JW Marriott Starr Pass Resort & Spa, recently held an enlightening cooking demo at the Spa at Camelback Inn. She isn’t a veggie-head but preaches awareness of the origins of your food. Somewhere in there is a plate more healthy. Note to self: Something stinks. Clean out refrigerator.

Get real about beauty: I’m a product snob, addict, junkie … Whatever you wanna call it, I’ve collected far too many bottles and jars of stuff that promised to make me pretty. Unopened products are going to women’s charities and opened stuff that didn’t deliver, well, I’m letting Kathy over at Scosh Makeup & Skincare deal with that. She offers a trade-up program where you trade in up to two skincare or makeup items a month for 50% off her products. Note to self: Hey look, there’s that damn earring I’ve been hunting down for months hidden underneath a bottle Zim’s Crack Creme. Watch out Kath, here I come!

Make a list and check it when absolutely necessary: I can’t sleep. I’m writing this in the dark with the cat curled up my lap and the house softly shuttering from the Spa Boy’s snoring. I have got to get some shut-eye. First step is to clear my noggin of clutter by making more concise, manageable lists so that when my head hits the pillow at night, it’s as empty as a Hannah Montana doll. SuperViva is the cutest, smartest little website where you can create lists of little to-dos and big dreams. Note to self: Clean up this office. File some stuff. There may be money in one of these piles.

Add to that to walk more, yoga more and put new songs on my iPod. There, thanks Santa! I feel better already. Happy holidays to you and yours and best wishes for sane, healthy and happy 2008!